Is it normal to feel angry as a vegan?

In this episode I talk about the experience of feeling angry as a vegan and why many of us feel strong emotions after becoming vegan and realising the scale of animal exploitation. I discuss whether these feelings are normal, as well as the risks of letting anger turn into burnout or isolation, and reflect on the importance of finding a healthy balance so we can continue advocating for animals without harming our own well-being.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Welcome to the Disclosure Podcast. If you enjoy this episode and the work that I'm doing here, then please consider checking out my Substack where I post regular articles. You can also support my work by becoming a paid member of my Substack, through which you will also gain access to weekly articles or by making a donation through my website. For those of you who do support my work, thank you so much. I am incredibly grateful and appreciate it very much. Links for everything can be found in this episode's show notes. Leaving a review for this podcast is also really helpful and encourages more people to listen to it. I hope you find this episode interesting and informative, and thank you for listening. So, hello everyone, and welcome to this episode of the Disclosure Podcast. In today's episode, I want to talk about the subject of vegan anger. I often get asked questions by vegans about how to feel as a vegan. Is it acceptable? Is it normal to feel angry, especially at the beginning? And I'm sure for those of you who were vegan listening, there's probably many of you, you've also probably felt that kind of anger, maybe that vegan anger. You've felt that that outrage, that fury at the system of exploitation that billions of animals are incarcerated within. And then it becomes that question of well, how do how do we deal with that? You know, what is that healthy? Is that normal? Is it natural? Should we be uh ashamed of ourselves for feeling that way? I think it's kind of hard at the beginning when you first make the change, and all of a sudden you're seeing footage of animal exploitation, probably for the first time, or at least in in terms of the quantity that you've seen, probably the first time you've seen so much of it, and maybe indeed in in terms of the brutality, and you're connecting with the ethics of veganism, and then you're looking at the world, and all of a sudden it seems like a different place to the one that you were in six months ago, a year ago, two years ago. And it becomes really a bit frightening because you've had your eyes open to this huge system that you were ignorant of before. You could say blissfully ignorant. Obviously, we don't want to live in a world where everyone's blissfully ignorant of all the of all the terrible things. It's important that we're aware and then we act on that awareness, but there's no denying that not knowing about some of these terrible things provides a shield from discomfort. And so now that we're aware of it and then we look at the world and we become confused and we become angry. And I think it's really natural at the beginning to have this really kind of strong flood of emotions, passion, anger, outrage, dismay, disappointment. But also, I think there is a lot of hope and optimism in that. I feel like when people make the change, they feel quite empowered because they feel proud of themselves and they also feel very capable. You know, I've made this change, I've I've realized something, and I've done something that most people think is really hard, but I've done it. I think there's power and pride that can be derived from that change. But undeniably, a lot of the emotions that we feel can be quite challenging. They're not necessarily all positive. And then it's like, what do we do with that? You know, where does that go? Does it ever go? Because I talk about sort of maybe anger and such at the beginning, but what about when you've been vegan five years, ten years, twenty years? Does it go? Does it ever change? Does it ever dissipate? And I guess that's a difficult question to answer because it varies person to person. I think what we, for those of us who've been vegan for years, I think one thing that we probably realize is that you have to find a way to deal with that. You know, you can't you can't maybe live with that intensity of emotion that you might have right at the beginning when it's all a bit of a blur and a bit of a whirlwind and you're making changes and you know you're you're trying to talk to your friends and family, and then you keep hit hitting a bit of a brick wall. And I think you you realize that you have to find a way to cope. Because if you don't, then that can lead people down a hard path. And I do know that people don't find a way to cope, people become very angry, very misanthropic, very disturbed by the world. And it's understandable. Like it's not it's not that that's irrational or that it happens in a way that we that we can't understand. It's very understandable. But is it healthy? And does it help veganism? Does it help animals in the long run? This is where I think it becomes really important to find ways to deal with these things. But look, I think the first thing we have to do is is validate that experience, that emotion, that that vegan anger. And the reason I call it vegan anger, obviously it's it's anger, but the reason I call it vegan anger is because I think we end up, I won't say in a siege mentality, it's not a siege mentality that's a bit dramatic, but I think we we because we are you know we are a small minority. It doesn't matter where we are in the world, we're a small minority, but for some of some some of you, depending on where you live, it might be a smaller minority than others. And probably, unless we're extremely lucky to have vegan family and friends, we might be the only vegan in our lives. And so the way that that feels can be quite unique. I think often when we have political views, social views, we naturally find ourselves in groups of people that have broadly similar views. And I think it's quite rare for someone to be in a friendship group where you've got a whole hodgepodge of different beliefs and religious views and moral views and such. I think generally we kind of find tribes of people where we have commonality. And that can be true for vegans, of course. I think you know many of you probably have vegan friends and have naturally gravitated towards those people. But there's probably a lot of you who don't have that. And you might have friends where you do broadly align on other issues, other social issu issues, political issues, but on this one there's still a a misalignment. And that can be quite isolating, especially if you have friends who talk about the environment, who talk about social justice and you know, maybe even talk about animal welfare and vegetarianism and such, it can feel quite isolating to be around people who are who are like-minded in every way, except for this one, in a way that can be slightly more isolating, I guess, because that that disconnection is is very personal because it is something that you uniquely believe that no one else in your group does. And that can be quite hard. So vegan anger, seeing this system of exploitation that's hidden, and then seeing the people we love and care about engaging with it, good, kind, compassionate, moral people generally engaging in this system of violence and abject horror, that's hard. And then it's like, who do we feel angry at? Where do we place this anger? Is it the people on the street? Is it our loved ones, our family members, is it the system itself? And I think that's important. Where do we place that anger? Because we might feel angry and we might go to our friends and family, and we might find a sense of release by taking that anger out on them. But does that help? No. It doesn't make us feel better, firstly, because getting angry at the people we love just fills us with shame, I think. Just sort of shame and disappointment towards ourselves, obviously, disappointment to our loved ones. It creates disconnection barriers in certain ways, and and it doesn't necessarily bring them any closer. Potentially it pushes them further away, and we end up even more on an island of our own, which makes it even more challenging for us. I think that's something that that's actually important to consider, the challenge there is for us. I don't want to try and claim that we shouldn't feel some of these very understandable emotions, but I don't think we can let them consume us. You know, sometimes people stop being vegan, and one of the first reactions that we might have as vegans is to say, well, these people were never vegan. And I think there is generally a lot of truth to that. You know, the people that you see online, the influencers and the the types of people who sort of go back on their veganism and make a big song and dance about it, the insincerity of it is obviously quite palpable when these people do that. And we know from maybe seeing their previous content and the way they talked about veganism that they probably didn't really connect with it. You know, maybe they were doing it because it was a trend, it was a, you know, they thought, oh, this will help me grow followers if I post vegan recipes or I say I'm vegan and make that a part of a part of my online brand, and then it stops being popular online and they change and all of a sudden they're pushing right-wing conservative content because that's the new the new thing online that's popular for the time being. And these these people are kind of they're sort of um algorithmic leeches. And what I mean by that is they sort of suck onto the algorithm and whatever's popular, they they sort of naturally find themselves hooked to. I mean, that's maybe a slightly um bleak visual image you have, but I think that's kind of how I see it. You know, they've got people who who don't think for themselves necessarily, but crave maybe online popularity or or some sort of validation from people online, and so they naturally gravitate to what's popular because they want to grow their social metrics and following what's trendy and popular is the way to do that. And so they end up sort of leaching on to whatever whatever's popular at that that given time. And obviously, there was a time where veganism was more popular online and a lot of these people were vegan, and now they stop being vegan, and you think, well, I wonder why that is. Is it is it because you really had sort of these terrible health problems that you never got a blood test for and you never had spoken about before? Or is it potentially because you realized that veganism wasn't necessarily pushing your your online persona in the way that you had hoped it did or hoped it would, or or maybe used to? But there are, and I think this is important for us to think about as well, there are people who did seem to make that connection. I've been to, and maybe you have as well, I've been to activist events with people who were extremely committed, said the right things, had the right type of mindset, thought the same way that that I did and probably you do about animals and animal rights and animal exploitation, and yet they stop being vegan. Why is that then? If someone makes a connection and and they're not just in it for a fad or a trend or to, you know, whatever it might be, why do they then maybe stop? And I think it can come down to this issue of vegan anger. If you get burnt out by something and you're really heavily involved in it, and it becomes your entire identity, and you're talking about it every day, and you're getting annoyed at people online and you're arguing with the people you love the most. Then on a weekend you're going to an activist event and arguing with people on the street and getting into confrontations, or you might not even be arguing, you might be having productive and healthy conversations, but just you find yourself getting worn down by every day having to respond to the same arguments. Protein, this and steak tastes nice, that, and it's just really grinds you down. Plants have feelings, and gas chambers are humane, and even if you're having good conversations with people who might not be being antagonistic, it can still be quite frustrating because you hear the same things again, and you have to say the same things, and you have to follow the same trajectory in a conversation, because hopefully they'll start to connect the dots, and maybe they'll make some changes, maybe they won't. And it's just this endless repetition, this cycle of talking about the same things, having the same questions and excuses, responding to them, hoping those people see things. And if you're lucky, maybe you shake hands and go about your day afterwards. If you're unlucky, it becomes an argument and it's antagonistic and it wears you down even more. So, what do you do with that? And I think for some people, they can't find that balance in their life of existing in the sort of quote-unquote real world as a vegan. And I think that can really weigh heavy on people. And let's say that you're one of these people who's been consumed by maybe misanthropy and anger, and you've seen your relationships with your family break down and with your friends break down, and you just don't feel very optimistic and hopeful, and you're you're finding yourself getting annoyed by people, your patience is wearing thin, you're becoming more and more irritated more and more easily, and you can't quite put your finger on it because maybe you're not f feeling or thinking objectively about your emotions, but you just feel this tension in your stomach, and it's tight, and your shoulders are all twisted up, and you've got nuts in your back, and you're constantly seeing animal exploitation on social media because you follow these accounts, and your whole world is absorbed in this thing that's not necessarily always that positive or or um or or gentle on your well-being. And maybe on some level, and it might be subconscious, but maybe on some level you start to rationalize to yourself if I wasn't vegan, maybe I wouldn't feel like this. Maybe that anger would dissipate, maybe that tension would start to dissolve. And you might not even be thinking that consciously. You might just be thinking, I need to do something with my life, something needs to change. And you might not even be thinking like that, because things that can happen on such a subconscious level that all of a sudden your behaviors and actions and your mindsets are shifting, but you're not even necessarily aware and maybe not aware of why. And all of a sudden in your mind, you start to create these arguments about why you shouldn't be vegan anymore. And it might not even be for the real reasons why you're trying to convince yourself that you don't want to be vegan anymore. But all of a sudden you stop being vegan and you do feel like this. Oh, I can I can start to have more conversations with people. I can I can bring back some of those old friends. I don't have to feel like the way I was feeling before. And what's happened is you've inadvertently blamed veganism for all the problems that have arisen as a consequence of you not been able to grapple with the with the balance that's required to exist as a vegan in a non-vegan world. And this is why I think this issue of vegan anger is important to talk about because it's not about saying that we shouldn't feel it. It's about saying how and what do we do with it? How should we feel it? What should we do with it? And I think the first thing is to remove the shame, remove the sort of the sense that I'm a bad person because I'm feeling angry at the world. It's okay to feel that way, but it's not okay if it consumes you to the point where you start to feel very negative, very sad, or maybe even worse, depressed. So I think we should deal with it. And I think some of the ways that we can do that is by making time to enjoy other parts of who we are. I've spoken about this before, this idea of nurturing other elements of our identity, of our personalities, of who we are, making time for them, making sure that we don't feel guilty for making time for these other parts of who we are. Veganism is a huge part of our identities. Massive, of course, is. It defines us in many ways, our ethics, values, the way we see the world, the way that we want the world to go and to progress. But it's not the only thing that defines us. So what are your hobbies? What do you enjoy? Make time flows and do not judge yourself for doing so, do not shame yourself for doing so. I also think we have to normalize the idea of not of not removing non-vegans from our life. I was asked this question actually uh on my recent book tour, and someone said, you know, what do you think about vegans dating non-vegans? And my response was essentially, look, if if if you if you say that you can only date vegans, not only is that quite challenging because there are obviously fewer vegans, and this is especially true, you know, if you're attracted to men, there's going to be even fewer vegans percentage-wise. So, you know, firstly you've got to live in a place where there's there's vegans, and if you live in in a more rural place or a country where it's not as popular as it is, maybe in in London, for example, you know, the UK and London specifically, then that might already be a bit of a barrier. But then if it's vegan men, that might even be more of a barrier. I just think we shouldn't place too many obstacles to our ability to integrate into the sort of life that we would like. And if that life is a life where we have a partner, a loved one, then we shouldn't place barriers that prohibit us from existing in a world where we can have these important relationships. Now, clearly, we don't want to end up with people who are spiteful, antagonistic, and nasty about our veganism. You know, if you go on dates and you got you're getting red flags that the person is closed-minded and is going to make demeaning and mocking comments, then clearly that's not an acceptable situation for you to end up in. But if you're on dates with non-vegans and they're happy with you being vegan, they're open-minded, they're completely on board with it, even if they've not made the change, you know, they're on board with you being vegan, it's not going to cause those problems. And during this dating process, you're not getting any red flags, and you're maybe even getting signals that they might have the potential to change. I don't think we should then say, well, I'm not going to date you because you're not vegan. I think that that's quite dangerous for us. Now, you might disagree, maybe you think that it's not okay. Personally, I just think that when it comes to friends, family, loved ones, dating, relationships, children, I think we have to accept the world as it is. And it might not be the world that we want, but if we can see these people are kind and compassionate people, then we shouldn't just shut them out of our lives. We shouldn't just say, I'm not going to have a relationship with my parents. I'm going to dump this boyfriend or girlfriend or leave my husband or wife because they've not gone vegan with me, because they're not going vegan. I think that can be really dangerous and isolating. And I think that that can put us into a mindset where we view the world in a way which naturally makes us feel disconnected from it. And I think that can be really harmful overall. So I think it's about not feeling shame. It's about finding balance, and it's about not feeling guilty for being with people who are eating animal products. It's about not feeling guilty for making time to enjoy our lives away from some of these horrible realities. These are all a part, I think, of finding a balance where we can then better exist in a world which isn't vegan. We might really want it to be, of course, we might really want it to be, but currently it isn't. And so we have to think, okay, well, how can I be a vegan and be a sustainable long-term vegan in a world which isn't vegan? And that means thinking not just about one year or two years. It's about thinking about the next 10 years, 20 years. Who do I want to be in 20 years? Do I want to be a person who's angry and jaded and misanthropic and hates the world and hates everyone in it if they're not vegan? No, I I don't want that for myself, and I wouldn't want that for any of you either. What do I want? Well, I for myself in 20 years, I want to be someone who has meaningful relationships, who is trying to create a different world, but accepts that I can only do so much, and so I'm not going to punish myself if the world is not as I would like it to be, because we can only control what we can control. This is another thing to bear in mind. The only thing that we really can control is the mindsets and choices that we can make. And so we might try and influence other people, but the choices that other people make are not our moral responsibility. Yes, we might have a you know a responsibility to maybe encourage people at times, you know, to maybe have um a conversation if it arises, to maybe spread the vegan message in in different ways. And I don't mean that we have all have a responsibility to be out on the street every single day with with placards trying to get people to change, but I mean I think we have a responsibility to to just try and influence people as we can in different ways in different situations. But I don't think that we have we have an ethical responsibility over the actions of other people. If our partners, our children, our friends, family, loved ones, if they don't change, that's not our fault. So I think again, we have to just say, I'm gonna do what I can in this world, and I need to derive pride in myself for what I'm doing, and not become filled with despair because maybe other people haven't changed with me. And another way that I think that we can sort of maybe deal with this sense of vegan anger is by bringing positivity into our lives. For example, I have something called the Good News Roundup, where I share positive news stories. You can find that on my Substack, uh, they'll be in the show notes for this podcast if you're interested. And if you've not signed up. But the reason why I do the good news roundup is firstly because I think the news is important to share generally, but also because the news is is, I think, empowering. It's it's really rewarding to see all the things that are happening. And those things might be small, but we can still celebrate them. Because we're vegans and because we take an abolitionist approach to veganism, in other words, we want we want the system of animal exploitation to stop the whole system. Sometimes we can view the progress that we want to see through this sort of very macro lens. We want this, and so our happiness and what we view as success will be determined by whether or not it is this, this abolition. And of course, we're not going to see an overnight abolition. We're not going to see an abolition in the next 20 years, right? Let's if we're being realistic. But what we are going to see is lots of positive things that vary in size and scope, from something small like you know, a greyhound racing track closing, to something big like a country's uh meat consumption uh beginning to slide and fall. But the important thing is that we take uh positivity from all of those things and not minimize them. We can say that a greyhound racing track closing is a small thing, and of course, compared to the global problem, it is. But to the greyhounds, it's not small. For the greyhounds who are no longer going to be raised, that's not a small thing. That's everything, everything to them. You know, we can sort of say, well, bullfighting being banned in this city, in this one country, is is small compared to the global problem, but it's not small for the bulls who are no longer going to be killed, slain for a spectacle. It's everything for them. And I think if we can just view positive changes through that level, It can make them more meaningful or not more meaningful, it can make us see them for how meaningful they really are. And it can also make us feel like progress is happening, even if this sort of big abolitionist view that we, you know, this objective that we're pursuing, even if that doesn't necessarily feel closer, we can still see that there are small changes happening, which over time are going to keep building up and are going to start moving us closer to that ultimate goal that we want. So I just wanted to talk maybe just quite briefly about about that because it's something I think about often actually. And it comes up quite a lot when I do events. And I just recently had um a few events for the release of my new book, and it's something that people ask in in sort of the public forum, but it's also something that people come and ask me privately when I'm doing sort of the meetups, the meet and greets, the book signings at the end of the event. People will often ask me this question of like, how do I feel? How am I supposed to feel? Is it okay if I feel this way? What should I do with that? And my response is always, yes, it's understandable, but can we channel it to do something positive, something good? Can we use that frustration to maybe inspire ourselves to advocate in a way that is suitable for us? And what I mean by suitable for us is not all activism is suitable for all people. There are things that I see people do that I couldn't do. And when it comes to who we are as a vegan, as an individual, it's important to recognize that whilst this movement is a movement, a movement is just a collection of individuals. And because of that, each person in the movement is as important as the other person. And each person in the movement can offer something that someone else can't, that no one else can. Because we've all ended up as vegans, maybe for the same broad reasons, ethics, you know, animal exploitation is wrong. But what's led us to that point is unique. The conversations we've had, the upbringing we had, the way that we've related to this topic, the personal stories and anecdotes that we can bring to this conversation, those are our own because we are the only ones who have lived the life that we've lived. And so our relatable anecdotes and stories and our personalities and our skills and our traits, that sort of collection, that amalgamation of all those things will be unique to each and every one of us because only each and every one of us has all of those things in the combinations that we do, if that makes sense. So when I say how can we use this anger, what I mean is how can we put together our skills, our passions, and our desire for change? How can we bring these things together? And can that allow us to maybe find that balance and handle some of this anger in a more meaningful and effective way? And that could be making vegan food for family and friends. I know again that sounds small, but it's not a small thing if you cook a delicious plant-based meal for someone and they go, Oh, I didn't know vegan food could taste this nice. That's not a small thing. People say often that taste is the biggest barrier. Oh, I would go vegan, but I love the taste of something so much. But if you can then cook something for someone and they say, Oh wow, I didn't actually know that you could make this, I didn't know you could make tow food taste nice, we go, Oh, that's this small thing. But it's not because it's probably challenging the number one reason why they actually eat animal products. So, in other words, that's probably one of the most important things that you can do for someone. So, you know, I think we just have to be compassionate to ourselves and not belittle what we can do and the achievements that we can that we can have and the accomplishments that we can bring to this. And I think we shouldn't ever belittle our contribution. And I think that can also help us deal with this vegan anger. Anyway, those are my thoughts, some of my feelings. I hope you found that interesting. Um, and I hope that maybe if you've been experiencing that, it it sort of gives you a bit of an insight into maybe how to deal with it, but also why it is important to deal with it and why it's not about ignoring the problem. It's about acknowledging the problem, but also acknowledging that if we want to as effectively as we possibly can contribute to ending this problem, we also do have to find a balance and we shouldn't punish ourselves for trying to minimize the more harmful elements that that anger and frustration can bring to our lives. But anyway, thank you so much for listening. I really do appreciate it. If you are interested in signing up to the Good News Roundup that I referenced earlier, then you can do so through my Substack, and you can sign up for free and get access to the Good News Roundup and to many of the articles that I post. But if you also want to support my work and gain access to all of the articles that I publish on my Substack, then you can do so by becoming a monthly paid member. And if you do, then I just want to say thank you so so much. That brings me to the end. Thank you so much for listening, and I look forward to speaking to all of you in the next podcast episode. Thank you so much for listening. If you've enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the disclosure podcast on whichever platform you listen to it, as doing so means that you can always stay up to date with new episodes. Leaving a review and sharing the podcast is also really helpful. And if you'd like to support the podcast and my work more generally, you can either make a donation through the link in the show notes or sign up to my Substack where I post weekly and share my thoughts and feelings about the experience of living vegan. In the show notes, you can also find links to purchase my books. Thank you again for listening.